Week 39

Well, this week at worked sucked. I was over my head with bullshit and sort of knew it would happen. I have started to get snippy with people and I can feel myself relying on the hope of some unwinnable lottery. I want to tell everyone on earth to go fuck themselves.

I decided I needed some time off so I have taken the week.

This means I need to have something substantial and on time next week.

I made the deal and I need to stick with it. I also need to crawl out of whatever selfpity weird ego fuckery I am lost in. If I don't, I am going to die a painful death and this is not an exaggeration.

My father is about to turn 75. He smoked for 40 some years. He was thin until the day he retired and not long after his vision left, his knees crumbled, he gained 80 pounds and is now diabetic. He was always the strongest person I ever met and now you can push him over with a whisper it seems.

He is mad as fuck about it too.

Grumpy motherfucker.

Except to me. I just crack jokes with him and we find things to both hate on. We are friends, and I have come to grips that my relationship with him was never touchy feely. I consider him a manly man and I have tried to apply the best part of his manliness into my own repertoire.

I am raising some really great kids with those tools. I am able to fix things and build things and figure out solutions to things with minimal resources because of him.  A lot of what I have and who I am is because of this man and my kids are going to become who they are through the man I am to them.

It wasn't all great, and I am not all great, but it's crippling to watch your hero start to die.

My kids don't want me to die.

I don't want to die.

My lifestyle is killing me.

So yeah. I am going to get with the program starting now so expect some real shit as the remaining weeks of this endeavor drizzle away.

Oh yeah. Buy some chapters please.